emiielish

It's funny that when we were kids we used to have big dreams, big wishes..ha, and look now..having all that..shouldn't life be perfect now?
As kids we look at teenage girls and wished that we had a life like her/them, i wish that i have this and that in my life..we watched movies and wished that someday we will have it all..we want to feel the love, the happiness, the money, realtionships, pain..we wished it! and to be honest as kids we used to act like adults..act like we are in love, or we have family etc, etc..
 As an adult now..we look back in time..and wished that ''if i was still a kid'' i whould act like a kid and stay happy as long as i can..
 As an grown up lady...i want to say somthing..
Sure i can make my own decision, sure i can go to places i have always dreamed about, sure i have money and can effored these shoes..sure i have love in my life...i have it all now...all that i wanted in my life..it's here..i'm living it.
 I also have the pain i used to wish for..that pain which was only filmy at once..but is my reality now..
Day after day..i can't stop it..even if i try, i tried my best...this guilt..this pain..it's apart of me know..i looked thru every door..i can't find the exit..people are saying the same thing..that i'm wrong. I know i'm wrong, i admit it! 
 This is too much...more then i can handle..i wanted so much..i have it all..but it's killing me...i need to make a decision..but i need my time... So lesson for everyone BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR
                                       
                                                                   -Take Care-